親愛的家長們：
Dear fellow parents,
春節已經臨近了，你們一定非常急切地盼望著女兒回家團聚吧。在短短的團聚中，你們會向女兒傳授些什麼人生智慧呢？
Spring Festival is approaching! You must be so eagerly anticipating your daughter's return home.What wisdom will you impart during your short time together?
「抓緊，抓緊結婚！」
'Hurry, hurry, get married!'
如果你們也與眾多家長一樣，你們一定會催促她趕緊結婚。最好是嫁給一個百萬富翁，一個既能做一手好飯，又能充當家庭醫生，並持有幾個國家護照的百萬富翁。因為你們知道，如果她能嫁給這樣一個可以依靠的丈夫，她就永遠都會過上有保障的生活了，這樣你們也就放心了。
If you're like many parents, you'll hurry her to get married. Ideally, to a multi-millionaire. A multi-millionaire who's also a gourmet chef, family doctor, and multiple-passport holder. Because if you could get her safely adopted by a husband like that, you could rest knowing she forever will be secure.
我理解你們的想法，因為我自己也有女兒，而且有兩個女兒，儘管她們年紀還很小。做了家長意味著我們整天都過著操心牽掛的生活。我們只想知道孩子們過得不錯，只希望她們平平安安的。
I understand. Because I too have daughters, two of them, though mine are still small. Being parents means living with our hearts outside of our bodies. We just want to know our kids are OK. We just want them to be safe and secure.
在中國，多少個世紀以來，婚姻一直是女性所能選擇的唯一的安全感來源。安全感是她一生的保障，當然，她也要相應地承擔為丈夫和家庭操勞一輩子的代價。
And for centuries in China, marriage was the sole source of security available to a woman. Security was her lifetime guarantee in return for her lifetime of service to husband and family.
但是，我們現在生活在急劇變化的時代。
But we are living in times of radical change.
中國的離婚率呈爆炸式增長
Divorce now is exploding across China
家長們在考慮著如何把女兒嫁出去，但一對對夫妻卻在考慮著是否要離婚。
While parents are thinking about how to get their daughters married off, married couples are thinking about whether to get divorced.
中國這個曾經號稱「世界婚姻最穩定的國家」，目前正經受著「中國式離婚」的強烈衝擊。上海和北京等地有三分之一的婚姻解體，而80後是離婚群體的主力軍。
Once known for its stable marriages, China now suffers from the 'China-style divorce;' one-third of marriages in Shanghai and Beijing now end in divorce. The main driver of divorce is the born-post-1980 generation.
令人感到悲哀的事實是，對許多人來說，如今婚姻已成為極大不安全感的來源。在中國歷史上，首次出現了一代在離異家庭中長大的孩子。
The sad fact is, for many, marriage now is a source of great insecurity.For the first time China's history, a generation of children now is growing up the children of divorce.
女性承擔著婚姻與撫育孩子的代價與風險
Women bear the costs and risks of marriage and parenthood
對當代女性來說，需要考慮到的後果是，婚姻與成為一名母親既能帶來許多好處，但同時也能引發巨大的代價和風險。事實上，婚姻與生養孩子給女性帶來的風險明顯比男性大。這是因為照顧孩子投入的成本、時間和情感以及為此犧牲的職業機遇和經濟保障，主要都由女性承擔。
Consider the implications. For women today, marriage and motherhood can offer significant benefits, but significant costs and risks as well.In fact, marriage and children are clearly riskier for a woman than for a man. That's because the costs of child care, time, emotional energy, career opportunities, and financial security all are mostly borne by her.
不言而喻的約定是，她的丈夫會與她以及他們的孩子共享他的收入。但是，年紀輕輕結婚的女性在年紀輕輕時就離婚的可能性非常高。儘管離婚對女性的負面影響顯然更高，但最近有研究顯示，中國有接近70%的離婚案例都由女性主動提出的。這表明她們的婚姻是多麼糟糕。
The unspoken contract is that her husband will share his income with her and the kids. But as we can see from today's marriage statistics, a woman who marries young has an excellent chance of divorcing young.Despite that women suffer disproportionately in a divorce, a recent study shows that now nearly 70% of divorces are initiated by women. This tells you how bad their marriages must have been.
家長們生活在一個奇特的新舊交替時期
As parents we are living in a strange in-between period
身為家長，我們生活在中國歷史上一個奇特的新舊交替時期。我們在舊世界中長大，在那樣一個世界中，很難想像一名女性如果不結婚將如何活下去，就算經濟獨立，在社會上也難以立足。
So, as parents, we're living in a strange in-between period in Chinese history. We grew up in an old world, a world where it would have been hard to imagine a woman surviving outside of marriage, socially if not financially.
然而，我們的女兒生活在一個新世界，她們在這個世界必須要學會獨立，而不只是嫁為人妻，而且即使要結婚的話，也要有一段成功的婚姻。
But our daughters live in a new world, a world where they must learn not simply to marry, but to be independent, and if they marry, to have a marriage that succeeds.
那麼，成功的婚姻究竟是指什麼呢？只是盡力維持合法的夫妻身份，直至其中一個人死去嗎？它是不是還有更多涵義呢？
After all, what does it mean for a marriage to be a success? Merely managing to stay legally married until one or the other person dies? Or something more?
來自家長的壓力直接引發生活中的不安全感
Parents' pressure to marry just to marry leads directly to insecurity in life
作為家長，我們現在面臨著一個矛盾，這個矛盾也容易引發不幸。為了獲得保障，許多家長們往往催逼女兒抓緊時間，為了結婚而結婚。出於對父母的孝順，許多女兒們倉促步入婚姻殿堂，造成了無愛的婚姻、婚外情乃至令人不快的離婚。
As parents we now face a conundrum as modern as it is tragic. For the sake of security, many parents pressure their daughters to hurry up and marry just to marry. Out of filial piety, many daughters rush into relationships which result in loveless marriages, extramarital affairs and nasty divorces.
這樣一來，家長們催逼女兒為了結婚而結婚，卻導致她們陷入經濟、情感和精神上都沒有安全感的生活中。這正是家長們在催逼女兒趕緊結婚時力圖避免
出現的結果。
In this way, parents' pressure to marry just to marry leads women into lives of financial, emotional and spiritual insecurity. Which is the precisely the outcome that parents are trying to avoid in pressuring their daughters to marry.
當今的女性擁有不可或缺的新夢想
Today's women have essential new dreams
我曾聽到一些家長哀嘆，他們覺得女兒想等待美滿婚姻的願望會讓別人覺得他們是糟糕的家長。恰恰相反！你們女兒的獨立精神反映出你們在教育她的問題上做得非常出色。
I've heard some parents lament that they feel their daughter's desire to wait to find a good marriage reflects poorly on them as parents. To the contrary! Your daughter's independent spirit is a reflection of the good work you did to help her gain an education.
既然她能夠獨立生存下去，一旦她的生存需求得到滿足，那麼她也會渴望每個人都渴望的東西──得到真愛、擁有夢想、讓自己的生活有意義。
Now that she can survive on she own, she yearns for all the things that every human being yearns for once her survival needs are met: to be truly loved, to have dreams, to have meaning in life.
對她來說，夢想就如同她呼吸的空氣和她所吃的食物一樣不可或缺。無論與誰步入婚姻殿堂，她都需要是以相親相愛與相互合作為基礎的。
Her dreams are as essential to her as the air she breathes and the food she eats. She needs that any marriage she enters to be based on mutual love and partnership.
你們應當為她感到驕傲，也為你們養育了一個獨立的年輕女性所付出的努力感到驕傲。
You should be proud of her, and proud of the job you did in raising this singular young woman.
女兒未來的幸福或許取決於你們的建議
Your daughter's future security and happiness may depend on the advice you give her
春節期間，你們給女兒提供的建議或許會深深地影響她如何去培養自己的精神和獲得所需的安全感。所以，當春節來到時，請不要勸誡她「你有男朋友了嗎？抓緊，抓緊結婚！」
Over Spring Festival, the advice you give your daughter may deeply affect how she goes about gaining the things she needs to nourish her spirit and achieve the security she needs.So, come Spring Festival, rather than admonishing, 'Do you have a boyfriend? Hurry, hurry, get married!'
恰當的問題或許是這樣的：
Maybe the right questions are:
「你過得好嗎？你在這個美麗的新年有什麼夢想？我們能做些什麼來幫助你？」
'How are you? What are your dreams in this beautiful new year? What can we do to support you?'
此外，如果她確實有男朋友的話，你們或許可以問她：
And, if she does have a boyfriend:
「他會對你好嗎？他會鼓勵你去尋找並實現你的夢想嗎？他會是一個充滿愛意、值得信任的伴侶嗎？他會把你視為一個完完整整的人，而不只是根據你能為他做什麼來看待你嗎？」
'Will he be good to you? Will he encourage you to find and realize your dreams? Will he be a loving and trustworthy partner? Will he see you as the full person that you are and not just for what you can do for him?'
作為家長，我們最重要的工作就是為我們的女兒在這個現代的新世界絢爛綻放做好準備。
As parents, our most important job is to prepare our daughters to flourish in this modern new world.
春節即將來臨，現在是計劃要對你們的女兒說些什麼的時候了。利用你們團聚的短短几天給她提些她真正需要的建議吧。她未來的保障和幸福或許就取決於你們的這些建議了。
With Spring Festival just around the corner, now is the time to plan what words to impart to your daughter. Take advantage of your brief time together to give her the advice she needs. Her future security and happiness may depend on it.